Whenever I am designing a gathering, I think about the constraints.
It might be partly my physics degree and partly my design degree.
After all, physics tells us there are some basic constants in the universe that make this universe the way it is - the speed of light, the mass of an electron…you can’t break the law of gravity, you just have to work with it!
Similarly, in design school they taught us that when you’re working with steel, glass, plastics, or any other material, you have to respect and harness the fundamentals of that material.
When your material is people and conversation, you have to respect other kinds of constraints.
How long can people really focus before they need a break?
How much time in their day can they justify setting aside for this conversation?
How many people can we fit into the room!?!
Some constraints can be bent…few can be broken without consequence.
One fundamental constraint of the human condition is the thought-intention-expression gap.
Recently an Instagram friend shared a painting with two circles. One, rather large, was labeled
“What I meant to say”
While the other, much smaller circle was labeled
“What I said”
But there is a third, even larger circle that needs to be taken into consideration:
“Everything I am thinking about this topic”
The basic constraint, in mathematical terms, is this:
People can think at up to 4,000 words a minute.
We can only speak at 125 words per minute, in most cases.
In other words:
There will always be more to say than we can ever express.
There is more that we are thinking about a topic than we might even hope to say.
Of course, there are oodles of famous quotes about this gap…especially when we multiply this diagram by however many people are in the room.
For example:
“I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I am not sure that you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.”
– Robert J. McCloskey, US Ambassador
If you intend to host gatherings, meetings, offsites, strategy sessions, any conversation, really, that are deeper, more connected, and therefore more effective, it’s safe to assume that slowing the conversation down will help you create the space for more deeper connections and more generous sharing.
This talking - thinking gap is why the Listening Triangle I shared a few weeks back is so powerful - leveraging the Listening triangle can help you make sure you get to the heart of a conversation.